"Classical music is tight, yo" (part 2)

So intermission's over and anyone in the theater at the time who only wanted to see Mickey Mouse has left by now. The musicians have a little fun warming up before Deems Taylor introduces to an important figure of the movie: the soundtrack.

No, but poor choice of wording in retrospect

This guy right here

 It's kind of cute the way Deems talks to the "soundtrack" as he asks him to illustrate the sound waves of different instruments, like the way a kindergarten teacher would talk to the class on the first day of school.

Now we get to "Pastoral Symphony" by Beethoven, the only segment edited for future versions.

-Breathes deeply- "1940 standards... 1940..."

Ah yes, the "centaurettes", blue, pink, green... and black stereotypes! Kinda makes me wish they just stuck with the unicorns and pegasus from the beginning to end.  

Hey it's a good show (until the later seasons, but still all right, don't knock it till you try it)

We cut to the centaurettes (I thought centaurs was a unisex term, but let's just go with it) bathing as they prepare for mating season, I suppose. 

-checks IMDB- ok, this is rated G

It's funny how in a span of a few seconds, the centaurettes go from topless to wearing flowers to cover up their boobs. The fairies in The Nutcracker segment were nude, but I guess it's less noticeable since their segment was shorter and they were tinier figures. A horn is blown to announce the arrival of the guys. Also,

So we have these little cherubs flying around to help the girls get dolled up before they meet their dates.

Still less ridiculous than some of the hats royalty has worn

There we go

Sunflower was pretty much a servant to the other centaurettes, shinnying their hooves, weaving flowers into their tails. The physical differences between her and the other centaurettes are too obvious and would be uncomfortable to have children watch today.

I understand why Disney has permanently edited Sunflower out of Fantasia, but it doesn't erase the fact that she existed at all. The Internet is a thing and sweeping it under the rug just makes the company an easier target. The 2006 Saturday Night Live animated sketch, "Journey into the Disney Vault" mocks the cheap Disney sequels being churned out at the time, Walt Disney's cryogenically frozen head, the "original, more racist" version of Song of the South, and there's a picture of Sunflower in the background, among other things. I still remember that short after all these years because its dark satire was so anti-Disney (and I found it so hilarious). I was a teenager and Disney was pretty meh at that time with their latest feature being Chicken Little (usually compared with Home on the Range for overall worst Disney canon movie).

Warner Bros has done a better job on dealing with the racism presented in their cartoons from the past with this disclaimer proceeding them.

For the record, I'm not calling for Sunflower to be reinserted into every version of Fantasia again, but her scenes could be presented in a special feature of the DVD with academics discussing the evolution of how Fantasia has been presented over time, same thing goes with Song of  the South. I haven't watched it personally, but from the Nostalgia Chick's review's of the movie, it's less racist than it's been declared and a lot more boring.

So everyone gets paired up by color, (I'll leave you to conclude whatever you want) and the girls' funny hats disappear for some reason. Bacchus, god of wine, arrives and now this party can finally get started.

Ok, it would've harder to edit out the zebra girls and have no one notice that

 Zeus sees the celebration below and being the dick he is (both figuratively and literally) starts throwing lightning bolts and causing a storm. He gets bored and falls asleep. A rainbow appears, night descends, and all is well in Olympus. This was a colorful piece, but I was never engaged by the "story", and it dragged on quite a bit. It's about 22 minutes long, same length as Rite of Spring and if you read part 1, you know my feelings about that one.

The penultimate piece is Dance of the Hours from the opera, La Gioconda. Some of you may know it from the Allan Sherman song, "Hello Muddah Hello Faddah". This is how I know the music.

 What is it with puppies and classical music that appeals so much to me?

This is the piece with the dancing ostriches, elephants, hippos, and crocodiles and definitely the most cartoony. The one thing that confuses me is weren't the crocodiles trying to eat the other animals?  But then in the finale, they're all joyfully dancing together. Also in real life, the hippos would win. Those animals are very territorial and aggressive as hell (yes, even more than crocodiles).

And for the pièce de résistance,  Mussorgsky's "Night on Bald Mountain" probably second in fame to Sorcerer's Apprentice, but again Disney is stuck in a rut trying to promote this as a kids' movie. This segment even has boobs (with nipples, ooh la la) for a split second.

Mammary glands aside, the real star of the show is the devil Chernabog and if you don't know who that is, then if you ever watched Fantasmic! at Disneyland, Disney's Hollywood Studios, or Tokyo Disneysea, you've seen him.

Disneyland version here, because west coast represent yo (I'm just gonna assume kids still use yo)

After Sorcerer's Apprentice, I was pretty much clenching my butt for this one because I've heard of its awesomeness and I've seen Fantasmic! I don't know how many times.

Deems Taylor sets the scene as Walpurgis Night, an equivalent of Halloween, when evil creatures gather under their master. Walpurgis Night is the English translation of Walpurgisnacht, the German name of April 30th, the day before May Day. I've always thought it was a gathering of witches (because that's what anime taught me).

Also name of  the boss enemy of magical girls in Puella Magi Madoka Magica (trying saying that 3 times, but seriously watch this anime)

The segment begins with Chernabog emerging from Bald Mountain underneath his huge wings.

Like a boss

 And that's all I'm saying, this segment is awesome and dark, not gritty or scary (younger, wussier me would've been terrified by Chernabog though). It makes me wish Halloween in my neighborhood was more atmospheric and darker.

If I took a shot every time I saw a kid in a Frozen costume trick or treating, I would've had alcohol poisoning

Alas, even Chernabog must retreat when dawn approaches and the ringing of church bells is heard. So we transition to the actual finale, Schubert's Ave Maria, and you see the people making a pilgrimage through the woods...

Huh? I'm awake, I"m awake! Ok, Night on Bald Mountain was so awesome, I was too exhausted for the rest of the movie. Fine, that's not actually true, but it's a beautiful piece of animation, lots of still slow-moving shots, and the detail on the trees of the forest (reminds me of what's to come in Sleeping Beauty). With all the evolutionism, paganism, and the Satanic ritual from the previous segments, I could see why Disney wanted to stick in something Christian (it's not completely religious, the forest replaces the church, and you only see the silhouettes of the pilgrims holding their candles).

The people did come in droves to watch Fantasia. Disney released it as a roadshow attraction across the country (basically what we have with limited engagements in major cities before wide releases, usually for Oscar-bait movies that want to make the deadlines) because this was something special, something classier for the public to enjoy. Unfortunately, with all the expenses associated with the movie from the setup for the Fantasound system, the leasing for theaters, and that thing called World War II cutting off the European market, Fantasia was even more of a financial loss for Disney than Pinocchio.

That is a damn shame because Fantasia was more for the adults, but like today Disney was more well known for making movies appropriate for children and this movie was never going to become a hit on the scale of Snow White. Gone were the hopes of reinventing and re-releasing Fantasia for years to come. Fantasia 2000 seemed more like, eh it's the new millennium, we've made boatloads of money in the 90's, let's finally make one (and never make another again).

Final thoughts: Fantasia's different, it's classy, it's high art, and... it's not quite my cup of tea.

You philistine!

Again, I didn't grow up with this and I like going to the theater to watch musicals and ballet (haven't been to the opera yet though). I loved certain pieces and was meh on the others. It's a fine movie to rewatch (but personally I'll be skipping around a lot). Doesn't take away anything Fantasia achieved.

Here's the thing though, we do have something like Fantasia today. Animated pieces set to music, check, re-released constantly with new material added and old material edited out, check. Classical music, um... no, but how about Disney music?

World of Color, yo (maybe if I use it enough times, it'll be cool again)

For all the trash-talking I gave the California Adventure theme park in my introductory post, Disney has done a lot to improve the park, including this $75 million gem. If you've never seen one of these shows...

That's Pixar, not Disney! (For the record, Merida is an official Disney Princess)

Chernabog + fireballs = awesome

This is hands down my favorite version of "Let it Go"

Some Tron Legacy here to add in some live-action into the mix, also Daft Punk

Walt never got a chance to have Fantasia turn out the way he wanted it to, but between the Walt Disney Concert Hall and stuff like World of Color, I'd say he'd be pretty pleased with the way things did turn out.

Whew, and that was Fantasia, what am I watching next?

Oh thank baby Jesus, something harmless with no controversy like raci-

Damn it

"Classical music is tight, yo" - the great philosopher Kanye West (part 1)

Jump to 1:53 for the quote from the title, but every second of this "advertisement" is gold

Fantasia is a bit of an unappreciated classic gem and this was my first time watching the whole thing. I'm aware that it has quite the fanbase and Disney loves to promote Mickey in his Sorcerer's Apprentice garb. The hat itself is iconic even if Disney's Hollywood Studios (in Florida), formerly Disney- MGM Studios, has removed it as its signature landmark.

Those poor millennials who will never be able to take a selfie with this hat 

The park won't suffer much from it in my opinion. The whole "movie magic" is lost on me when you're a L.A. local who hates driving to Hollywood: like the rest of SoCal, there's too much traffic and parking sucks, add in the extra amount of tourists, plus strange people in costumes who you pay to take photos with. In that respect, it's like Disneyland, only you don't have to tip Mickey and his friends, and Mr. Incredible won't be picking fights with Batgirl while Elsa tries to intervene (you can't make this stuff up).  

The former home of the giant Sorcerer's Hat still has cool live shows like the ones with Indiana Jones and stunt cars (two different shows, but wouldn't it be awesome if Disney combined those two? If no, then eh I guess it's just me then). I rode Tower of Terror and Rock 'n' Roller Coaster eight times each that day (single rider line is awesome), but honestly there's not much to offer in that park for me. If you aren't a bitter ole grouch like me, there's Universal Studios Florida (and Hollywood) out there for your movie magic fix.

If cars dancing to Daddy Yankee isn't considered magical, then I don't know what is

 Fantasia was Walt's attempt to introduce culture and classical music to the masses, an animated masterpiece to rise above the typical Hollywood drivel and was going to be constantly reinvented with new material. Indeed what an odd match a Fantasia icon and Disney's Hollywood Studios was for the past fourteen years. My suggestion that's never going to happen for the new home of Mickey's hat?

Adding a giant hat would make a Frank Gehry design only slightly weirder

This shiny building which construction crews had to make less shinier because sunlight reflecting off it "roasted the sidewalk to 140 degrees Fahrenheit, enough to make plastic sag, cause serious sunburn to people standing on the street and create a hazard to passing motorists" (60 degrees Celsius for any non-American readers, but a story like this would normally be in some goofy comic book plot). Lillian Disney donated the first $50 million to build the Walt Disney Concert hall. “I have al­ways had a deep love and ad­mir­a­tion for my hus­band and I wanted to find a way to hon­or him, as well as give something to Los Angeles which would have last­ing qual­it­ies,” she says in a state­ment. Who couldn't say if each reflected sunbeam that burned random tourists and blinded bicyclists wasn't Walt himself smiling down from the heavens?

Yeah right, you say because Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen underneath Disneyland. NO, that is just an odd urban legend that has somehow lasted all this time. Walt was cremated and laid to rest in Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale. The first cryogenic freezing of humans took place after he died. Stop spreading the frozen Walt Disney story and also stop spreading ashes in the Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted Mansion rides, folks.

Speaking of death, I say cheerfully with "a song and a smile". The Skeleton Dance  was the first Silly Symphony in 1929. The Silly Symphony shorts are pretty much precursors to the Fantasia vignettes: animated shorts created to accompany music.

Whether it's Halloween or not, these guys are awesome

I was still just a kid when the Walt Disney Concert Hall was finally completed in 2003 and I questioned why it was named after Disney when there was nothing "magical" about it to me.

Ok, it's not like I expected the concert hall to look like Disneyland Castle.

If I watched Fantasia as a kid (totally ignored Fantasia 2000 when it was released in theaters), I honestly wouldn't "get it". I, like many people, grew accustomed to what was considered "typically Disney", which was singing princesses, magic, and wise-cracking animal sidekicks.

Dot Warner still has the best Princess name ever: Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the Third

Indeed, they were winning Smoscars and raking in the dough. Then the era post Fantasia 2000 happened, but I'm jumping ahead in the canon. Onwards to Fantasia! All right, I know how this works, we're going to have a pretty storybook open up on us...

...What's going on?

So that's Deems Taylor, noted music critic and composer, and he's the Master of Ceremonies for the entire movie. He introduces the back story of the music and the plot of each short before it begins. Some people would find him a nuisance if they prefer to be surprised before each short, but I personally don't care. Good animation is good animation and I'll watch it.

Our first piece Toccata and Fugue in D Minor by J.S. Bach begins with the conductor, Leopold Stokowski (more on him for the Sorcerer's Apprentice segment), and the musicians in shadow surrounded by a backdrop of color before we proceed into pure abstract art. I'm just going to say it's like your computer screensaver/Windows media player swirly colors things before computers were a thing.

"Hot dog", that's my interpretation.

Next are selections from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite, and Deems Taylor tells us The Nutcracker ballet "wasn't much of a success and nobody performs it nowadays." Oh Deems, what a kidder you are!

Do I look like I'm joking?

Oh, um... apparently reception to The Nutcracker was meh when Tchaikovsky debuted it in 1892 in St. Petersburg. It wouldn't catch on in the U.S. until George Balanchine's famous stage production of the ballet in 1954, which is fourteen years after Fantasia. Now the ballet is performed all around the world during the holiday season. George Balanchine and Lincoln Kirstein co-founded the School of American Ballet (basically the Harvard/Princeton/insert whatever prestigious school you like, of ballet) and the New York City Ballet.

So The Nutcracker was a piece of art that was unappreciated in its time, only to have its popularity greatly increased after its creator died. Where have I heard of this happening before? Eh, I lost my train of thought. Anyways, I love this short and it's in my top 3 for this movie (should be pretty obvious what the other 2 are).  I love the fairies dancing and flying to Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy, it's such a perfect fit. Then we cut to Chinese Dance/Tea with mushrooms.

 A "Chinese" caricature,yes. Racist... eh?

I am Chinese and not offended by this, if you are slightly offended, yes I would understand why. If you think this is the mostly blatant racist thing to ever happen to the Chinese/Asian community, um... good luck to you in the real world? This was 1940 and we'll get into censorship later on, remember Sunflower from my Pinocchio post if you didn't already know about her. Also, c'mon that baby mushroom is damn adorable. And believe me, this segment could've been way more racist...

Really Disney, you had to add Fu Manchu mustaches?

Again, you have to judge this by 1940 standards. This wouldn't fly today because if there's one thing Disney knows how to do, it's to deny the non-squeaky clean parts of the company as much as possible. Song of the South, anyone? They have frigging Splash Mountain in their parks and the little kiddies like me don't find out where "Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah" comes from until adulthood. If you really don't like this interpretation of the Chinese Dance/Tea, here's the San Francisco ballet performance with a dragon.

Because ballet and dragons are awesome

Next is Dance of the Reed Flutes and it's pretty flower petals spinning on water. Nothing much there before get to the Arabian Dance/Coffee performed by fish. It is a pretty creative idea with the long flowing tails of the sexy fishes as the veils of Arabian dancers.

Ok yeah, Disney went through a bit of a sexy fish phase back then

I'm sorry but whenever I watch this segment, this pops up into my head for some reason.

End of the 90's gave us Will Smith and this... (yes I saw it in theaters, but I movie hopped that time, no one should have to pay to watch Wild Wild West)

Next is Russian Dance/ Trepak or Candy Cane, whatever version you wanna call it and it's much more livelier with the flowers doing the cossack dance. It really wakes you up from the lull of the sexy dancing fishes earlier.

And finally we have The Waltz of the Flowers, a piece I know personally because I played it a lot for enjoyment when I was in middle school. Well, well, well, you say, someone was quite the snobby child back then. Ahem, this is what I mean by "play".

No, I didn't have my puppies wear silly hats (most of the time) 

Nintendogs is a virtual pet simulator game (with puppies!) and when you walk your puppies sometimes they find neat little items like vinyl records (video games don't have to make sense), which has a neat little effect on your pups when they're played. Waltz of the Flowers makes them dance and the end of the record makes them do a back flip (because Nintendo said why not). I didn't have a dog at the time so virtual puppies were the next best thing. Also did I mention dancing puppies? (I'm going to spazz out so bad when we get to 101 Dalmatians.)

The whole time I was watching this beautiful animation, I kept thinking of puppies

Thus concludes Fantasia's interpretation of The Nutcracker Suite, utilizing images of nature and the four seasons, and one of my faves.  Like I've said in my Snow White review, I don't need much plot to entertain me. But Deems Taylor introduces the next segment as something that tells a definite story. In fact, the story came first before the music....

Ok,who doesn't know The Sorcerer's Apprentice?

Add caption-insert obligatory Nic Cage joke-   (I think what has happened to his career is enough of a joke though)

So the story is Mickey decides to give up being a sorcerer and becomes a treasure hunter, but he has to steal the Declaration of Independence first to solve the clues left behind by America's Founding Fathers (sorry I couldn't resist, and National Treasure is a Disney property).

All kidding aside, this short is the real reason why Fantasia was made. Walt thought Mickey needed to regain popularity, hence why such a relatively expensive and quite epic short was made. Releasing the short by itself wouldn't justify the expense of distributing it. And so like a boss, Disney decided to make more animated shorts and combine them into one fantastical film.

In a way, The Sorcerer's Apprentice made the marketing for Fantasia more difficult later on. Walt Disney had always considered his animated films as high quality products for audiences, young and old. He made family films, not kiddie stuff. Like I've said in my introductory post, being an adult animation fan (in the U.S. at least) carries some kind of stigma. For example, the representation of bronies in pop culture, but I'm a MLP: FiM fan myself (please, don't look so shocked). Animation is treated at the Oscars like they're the kids' table, but I forget that it's the Golden Globes where the celebs get to have dinner.

Disney often being delegated to "kids' stuff" happened early on with the cartoon shorts and the premiere full-length feature that became a box office smash was a story about a singing princess. So imagine all those families in the theater being excited about seeing Mickey Mouse in his red robe and blue magic hat... well prepare to schooled in classical music, yo! (The kids still use yo, right?) You get Deems Taylor and the Philadelphia orchestra conducted by Leopold Stokowski. Disney and Stokowski met by coincidence in Hollywood and the famous conductor was ecstatic about the development of Fantasia. How popular was Leopold Stokowski? Nine years after Fantasia, he would be impersonated by Bugs Bunny in the Long Haired Hare (lucky son of a gun).

Bugs snaps the baton in half here, reminiscent of Stokowski's preference to conduct with his hands 

For a short while, both of these figures were a huge part of American popular culture

 My favorite Sorcerer's Apprentice parody? That honor goes to Itchy and Scratchy from The Simpsons (if for some reason you don't know them, think Tom and Jerry but with more cartoon violence and gore in less time).

From The Simpsons' Season 6, ep 4, "Itchy and Scratchy Land", one of my favorites, featuring a twisted version of Disneyland :)

Next up is Stravinsky's Rite of Spring and Taylor states that science tells about single-celled organisms that became fishes, which became amiphibians, and eventually dinosaurs... and holy cheese on crackers, is he talking about evolution... in 1940? We're somehow still having the whole creationism vs. evolution debate on education today.

Last Simpsons reference for this movie, I swear

The segment begins in outer space where we zoom into Earth, ravaged and inhospitable on the surface. In the ocean, we see the little prokaryotes evolve into eukaryotes. (I fell asleep in Biology class, but I remember these terms.. that and um the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.) Honestly, this segment kind of... bores me. Yes, yes, I've committed the unforgivable sin of stating something in Fantasia is boring to me. When we get to the dinosaurs, (and all the dino nerds who've seen this animation shouting that all those dinosaurs were from different time periods millions of years apart, yadayadayada, I don't care), I was still eh, that means we're almost done right? Even when there's an epic fight between the Stegosaurus and the T-Rex, there's no blood or gore (because this is a family picture), and I was a kid who never had a dinosaur phase, but damn it even I watched Jurassic Park. 

Of course, I was traumatized to the point where I refused to go on the Universal Studios ride for years

It ends with the dinosaurs dying off by drought, but I was kinda was hoping for a meteor attack. At the very least, if you've ever ridden the train at Disneyland, you've probably seen the dinosaur animatronic exhibit (the T-rex and stegosaurus at the very end most likely plays homage to the Fantasia segment).

                                              And hey, now it's time for Intermission!

                                          

To be continued in part 2! Yeah, I know I lied about no more Simpsons references, but that was funnier than the classic 1950s version to me.

A Talking Puppet Movie That's Not (that) Creepy

Everything about Pinocchio is a huge step-up from Snow White: the animation, the script, the pacing, the voice work, the music. This was the first animated movie to win an Oscar (Snow White only earned an honorary one): Best Song (Disney is going to get a lot of those in the future) and Best Score. All the acclaim still being given to this movie feels more rightfully earned than Snow White's (which I argue only because it was THE first, not necessarily based on the film on its own merit). Not saying Snow White is a bad movie, just that all that extra praise leads to it to being overrated. But hey she's still a Disney Princess who earns $$$ for the company, which is not bad as well, because $$$ for Disney = awesome (and sometimes not so awesome) movies for the rest of us. (and contributes to their plans for world domination)

With that said, ahem: DON'T LET YOUR VERY YOUNG CHILDREN WATCH THIS MOVIE BY THEMSELVES. Now there's some toddlers out there who are much braver than the rest of them, but please don't take that chance. I never saw this movie as a child and I don't consider myself deprived because of it. I was an easily frightened, extremely socially awkward (some things never change) child and if I saw this movie, not sure how I would feel about whales, Italians with long beards and mustaches, and English-accented coachmen today. Ironically this movie wouldn't aggravate my automatonophobia (scroll down to the bottom of my Snow White review for an explanation), I rooted for little Pinocchio during his adventures. As cute and charming as this movie is, it's pretty messed up in some parts (but in a good way?). The original book's (like the Grimm fairy tales) version is way more messed up though.

We start off with Jiminy Cricket singing When You Wish Upon a Star, which is practically the company's flagship tune. You hear it in the parks, the stores, the commercials, all of the Disney Cruise ships blare it so no man whether on land or sea can ever escape it.

Jiminy asks if we think it's pretty silly to think wishing on stars make dreams come true (a Disney staple for the longest time with some current backlash that the company even tries to amend in some of their movies). I thought this movie was going to skip on the storybook opening...

Since Jiminy is doing it, is it meta?

Because Snow White was such a huge success, Disney wanted more celebrity voices for his next film. This was back in the golden age of radio and when celebrity voices = voice actor talent. Nowadays it's more a cash grab name to stick on the trailer so parents will be like, "Hey famous person is in that movie, maybe I'll bear sitting through a 90 min animated movie my kids wants me to drag them to." You may not know who Dickie Jones and Cliff "Ukulele Ike" Edwards were, but you remember the voices of Pinocchio and Jiminy Cricket.

Jiminy arrives at Geppetto's cottage right when he's finished up making Pinocchio. If you miss the cute little forest animals from Snow White, there's little Figaro the kitten and Cleo the goldfish.

Poor Figaro gets the short end of the stick a lot in this movie, but he's one of my favorites

Cleo is bubbly and a little flirty and... seriously how sexualized can a fish be? (Yes, I'm aware of Rule 34)

Sexy fish points go to Dreamworks and confession here: I saw this in theaters, damn it Katzenburg!

Geppetto performs "Little Wooden Head" and while I didn't watch this movie as a kid, I owned the "Colors of the Wind" Sing Along Songs VHS and I watched it a lot.

...Sorry, had a flashback there, man I feel old

Even as a kid, I admired all the little details in the animation: the gears, the little figures moving on the music boxes and the cuckoo clocks in Geppetto's workshop. And fair warning, there's going to be a bit of: AND IT'S ALL HANDDRAWN WITHOUT COMPUTERS (minus the caps lock) in this review. Disney himself had real life models made for all the props in this movie.

It's now time for bed, but Geppetto sees the wishing star and wishes for Pinocchio to be a real boy. Jiminy overhears this and comments that it's a lovely thought, but certainly not practical. (Agreed, kids are expensive and you can't even claim a puppet boy as a dependent on your taxes.)

The Blue Fairy appears and (sorta) grants Geppetto's wish. She tells him to be "brave, truthful, and unselfish, and someday, you will be a real boy." He has to let his conscience guide him and Pinocchio asks what is a conscience. Jiminy winds up volunteering (the Blue Fairy charms him into it really, but Jiminy is pretty flirty towards anything that looks female, it's sorta weird). The Blue Fairy leaves, Pinocchio and Jiminy sing "Give a Little Whistle", and wake up Geppetto. While Snow White dragged out so many little scenes like this, Geppetto finds Pinocchio soon enough. He begins celebrating by turning on all the clocks and music boxes and gathering toys for his new son. While he's busy, Pinocchio and Figaro play with a candle and this happens:

I get that the Blue Fairy left some stuff out. So he knows how to talk after coming to life but not fire =  burns wood?

  
Geppetto learns what happens when you leave your young and naive children by themselves (and proceeds to forget it afterwards) and puts out Pinocchio's finger in Cleo's fishbowl. Poor Cleo and her home is covered in soot (not sure if that's supposed to happen in real life, but I'm not going to test that out). Father and son and cat are tucked into bed and Geppetto informs Pinocchio he's going to school in the morning. Pinocchio does that kid thing about asking "Why?" and Geppetto tells him he has to get smarter (kid, first things first, touching fire = bad). The boy asks, "Why?" again and Geppetto does that parent thing of answering, "Because."

The next shot: the multi-plane camera panning across Geppetto's village is a technical marvel. Creating this film was incredibly expensive (all those beautiful little details weren't cheap) and it wouldn't make back its budget for a long time. The darker storyline and a little thing called World World II shrunk potential audiences overseas and at home. Pinocchio's box office disappointment greatly saddened Mr. Disney. The film cost about $2.6 million (about $43.5 million today, still not an small sum for Disney's studio only on its second feature). This shot alone was either $25,000 or $48,000 (sources vary) which is about $417,000 or $801,000 today (Awesomely expensive though). It's also one of the few scenes in the movie that takes place in the daytime.

I want to outright state that I am not an animation expert (especially not in the technical sense). I am merely an overzealous Disney fangirl who can't draw/paint/perform simple arts and crafts to save her life. I know things, but not everything because I read books sometimes and watch documentaries when I'm bored.

 Admitting that this man was a huge part of my childhood may reflect poorly on me, but whatever.

I credit this site for the village shot (incredibly hard to find, Disney please don't take this down, people should be able to admire this technical marvel) and they have a great article on the technical aspect of making Pinocchio. All I can do is go "Ooohhhhh wowwwwwwwww, all this without computers back then!"

Geppetto sends Pinocchio off to school with his book and an apple for his teacher. Umm.. sure you don't want to walk him to school and explain to the teacher why the newest student is made of wood? Or to make sure in general Pinocchio gets to school safely because it's his first day and last night he almost set himself on fire? But I don't have kids, and when you don't have kids, you can't really tell parents what to do.

Pinocchio ends up meeting our first villains, Honest John and Gideon and I love these guys. They're a great comic duo who remind me of the old Looney Tunes cartoons.

The talking fox and his silent cat partner marvel at the walking wooden boy because that's the strangest thing in world apparently. Jiminy wakes up late on his first day on the job as conscience and isn't able to stop Pinocchio from being sold to Stromboli by them. He manages to catch Pinocchio's first show where he performs the famous "I've Got No Strings" and as of right now in March 2015, all the comments on the original version are about Avengers: Age of Ultron because Disney owns Marvel, Star Wars, and eventually the entire universe (of course sharing alongside our future overlords, Google and Apple).

Pinocchio is an instant hit with the audience and Jiminy wonders if he was going to lead his charge away from a life of success. "What does an actor want with a conscience anyways?" The whole Stromboli segment is just chock-full of stereotypes (Jiminy ogles the French puppet girls doing the can-can because he's a horndog cricket). Fun fact, the final act of the show was supposed to feature a jungle scene with dancing Ubangi puppets because Ubangi dancers were a craze in the U.S. at the time. (I'm just going to say we dodged a bullet there.) But we haven't touched full-blown racist Disney territory yet.

-sigh- Hi Sunflower...

Stromboli's puppets: Stereotypes haven't changed much since the '40's have they?

He's supposed to be Italian, but I'm pretty sure there's other ethnic stereotypes attached to this character

At the end of the show, Pinocchio says he's heading off to home because he doesn't know yet how a kidnapping is supposed to work. Stromboli proceeds to lock him in a birdcage and you can feel the terror and sadness of poor Pinocchio as he is carted far away from his father.

An actor's life isn't as gay as he thought it would be (that is quoted from the song he sang earlier with Honest John)

Jiminy sneaks into the caravan to find Pinocchio trapped, but he's unable to pick the lock. They both sit and wait for a miracle out of their situation. Meanwhile, Geppetto heads out on his own to try to find Pinocchio and waits for a certain puppeteer and his caravan to go by.

So close and yet so far :(

Pinocchio's miracle comes in the timely arrival of the Blue Fairy and Jiminy finally starts doing his job by urging him to tell the truth. But if the puppet boy did that, we wouldn't have our iconic scene as his nose starts growing with each lie he tells. (Though why would you lie to the obviously all powerful magical fairy who granted you life in the first place?) She gives him a second chance and frees Pinocchio from his birdcage. It's also mentioned this is the last time she can offer help and is no longer seen in the movie.

She had another side job of pissing off Stanley Kubrick fans. 

We cut over to the Red Lobster Inn where Honest John and Gideon brag to the Coachman about selling Pinocchio to Stromboli. He proceeds to tell them about a proposition offering more money involving stupid boys and Pleasure Island (and wow does this old-timey creepy scene sound even more creepier today). Even Honest John gets freaked out at the mention of Pleasure Island because of some law and the Coachman tells them not to worry because "the boys don't come back... as BOYS!"

Do you hear that? That's sound of traumatized children screaming from past, present, and future.

Honest John and Gideon find Pinocchio again and offer him a vacation to Pleasure Island. Poor Pinocchio practically gets dragged away and Jiminy hops a ride on the coach. "Here we go again." You know something bad is going to happen on Pleasure Island and all those boys think they're going to have the time of their lives in this eerie carnival wonderland.

I also have a fear of clowns so yay again for not watching this as a kid!

I have my own theories about what exactly Pleasure Island is and I have to believe either something demonic or black magic is involved. We never see any workers there in the fairgrounds, just a unseen voice urging the boys to fight, smoke cigars, destroy a house, and do other delinquent boys things. All the carnival attractions seem to be automated and the Coachman is only human adult we see. I don't count the black shadowy figures that work as his henchmen loading up the crates and shutting the doors because they probably only exist and are creations of the island itself. I think the Coachman probably sold his soul or is a servant of the island in order to gain wealth. Hence why he assumes control of the shadow figures and is allowed to enter and leave the island despite the law.

Jiminy knows something's wrong about the island and finds Pinocchio smoking and playing pool (not sure how that second activity counts as delinquent behavior, maybe it's an old fashioned thing). Lampwick, Pinocchio's new friend on the island, teases him and shoots him into the corner pocket when Jiminy hops onto the 8 ball. Having not learned his lesson yet, Jiminy is insulted and leaves Pinocchio again (Blue Fairy may be all powerful, but she's not the best at picking a conscience). The cricket demands to be let off the island and finds out the big secret (and why the Coachman didn't own horses to pull his coach). He rushes to save Pinocchio, but he's seen what happens to bad little boys on Pleasure Island (still sounds so wrong) when Lampwick falls to the curse (add that to the checklist of this movie's trademark traumatizing moments). Jiminy and Pinocchio escape the island mid-transformation by jumping off a cliff and swimming back home (so Pinocchio knows how to swim and talk without learning how to, but not fire... ok I should stop being nitpicky on that detail).

They arrive back at Geppetto's cottage only to find it long abandoned. A message from the Blue Fairy informs them that a whale named Monstro has swallowed him when he was off searching for Pinocchio. So how do we know the whale wasn't trying to help a father find his lost son?

"Because that's Pixar and not Disney!"

Logic be damned that a puppet boy and a cricket never need to resurface for air, the whole underwater sequence is amazing: all the little sea creatures following Pinocchio and Jiminy and the tiny bubbles whenever they talk or move, the waves, everything handrawn and without computers! (last time I swear on me mum). Meanwhile, Geppetto and Figaro are trying to fish for food inside Monstro the whale which begs the question of whether Cleo the goldfish has been eating her own kind to stay alive (only Disney can make me type sentences like these). Because it's the final act, Pinocchio and Geppetto are quickly reunited inside the whale. Jiminy is stuck outside and it's a funny size comparison as he demands the whale to be let in. Pinocchio comes up with a great idea to start a big ole fire inside Monstro to make him sneeze (that puppet sure loves fire). That pisses off the giant whale even though whales are generally social, gentle creatures...

The documentary that wrecked SeaWorld's stock value 

Geppetto, Figaro, Cleo, and Jiminy make it safely onto shore because Disney won't kill their cute animal/sidekick characters (yet).  Unfortunately, Pinocchio doesn't make it because he's dead(?) He didn't drown because we just saw him walk across the ocean floor with no problem so I'm going to assume blunt force trauma by tidal wave caused by a whale.

Everyone makes it back home and mourns Pinocchio, but the puppet boy has proven his worth and the Blue Fairy turns him to a real boy.

I don't know if it's just me, but the nose really puts me off, I miss puppet boy.

Jiminy heads outside through the window and the Blue Fairy magically gives him an 18 carat Official Conscience badge."Solid gold!" (No Jiminy, pure gold is 24 carats and is more soft than solid). Honestly that cricket doesn't deserve a 24 carat badge, he only saved Pinocchio once on Pleasure Island out of two kidnappings and one giant whale escape that Pinocchio thought of himself. In the end, everyone lives happily ever after, including the villains (yup, everyone gets off scot free). Pinocchio is pretty unique in the Disney Canon in that aspect.

Closing thoughts: Pinocchio is consistently ranked in the top animation movies and it's deserving of that status. The plot may be episodic, but it flows quite well and it is a trait passed from its source material. It has its light-hearted moments, but most people remember the dark, creepy imagery from this movie and that's not something you see a lot of in Disney today. Yes, there's deaths and creepy imagery from the Renaissance and the Revival (I'm going to date that as post Meet the Robinsons- current) eras, but it never hits uncomfortable as it does in this movie. The Blue Fairy turned Pinocchio into a real boy because he was "brave, truthful, and unselfish", a simple morality tale. However, Pinocchio met terrible and cruel figures along the way who continue to do evil in his world without consequences it seems. Jiminy is a nice guy and all, but now Pinocchio has his own conscience he must develop and will probably learn even harsher lessons as he grows up. Geppetto had better learned his lesson about keeping an eye on his no-longer wooden puppet son.

Because I don't have the nostalgia for it, Pinocchio won't be one of my go-to Disney movies when I'm bored or sick (also Coachman's face gives me the heebie jeebies). It is an excellent film that deserves rewatching a year or two down the road.

So what movie am I watching next?

All set to classical music? I feel smarter and classier already.